Monday, April 04, 2016

Silver Lining

So there's this silver lining between a lot of things. That silver lining of your very own. That stands between being egoist and fighting for what you care. Between falling in love and staying real. Between forgiving and letting go. Between a lot..a lot of every damn little things. Between you and other people. Between what you believe and what other says. Between..a lot. And every single day I learn how to recognize that silver lining, learn to dance between a lot of stuffs that touch our life. Something you can't do by just listening to others, but eventually you gotta choose, fall, run, raise, feel helpless, feel incredibly happy, and thousands other things that may happen. Life, a complete jokes and happiness and tears. There's no exact instructions but somehow by doing it you realize there are some clues hidden waiting for you to see and recognize. Between those smiles and tears and everything in between. There's this silver lining that will just continue to somewhere. While you create your life..choose your options..and walk it through. What you want and what actually happens. What you wish and what you need. Bit of here and there. Love and hate. Lust and compassion. And here I am. Still learning to recognize, to feel, to think, to take risk, to say it's okay, to rise again, to dance again, to run again, and to fall again..but when you stop and look around, life is pretty much amazing, and beautiful in its own way. I thought one day I will figure things out, but maybe we will never figure everything all out. We will always learn, always listen, and always meet new things and understandings. What a life we have :)

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Lengkung Langit by Dialog Dini Hari

Mayan Zodiac

So i got this from a website. That's my zodiac from Mayan calendar system. It's surprisingly true :D 

Monday, January 05, 2015

Bright Blue Eyes

"Because you are the stars and the moon.
And the sunshine during the day"

Ed Sheeran - Photograph

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Letters of 2014

it's the last day of 2014. and it's been months since my last writing. things changed a bit, but i actually miss blabbering on my blog. hehe..

well, this year was amazing. ups and downs like roller coaster. sometimes i screamed, sometimes i hid, sometimes i enjoyed the ride. few things happened, a lot of interesting people. well, what a year :) few things i wish i can say it directly to the person but it seems impossible now without getting over reaction, so yeah let me spill it out here.

guardian, i somehow wish we can still be friend. with whatever reason, reason i can't even explain. it's easier to get angry with you, or with myself by making bad choices. but i'm not accustomed to stray away people from my life. you were something, now or long time ago im not sure, to me. in a cheesy way, i was like mirroring myself when i saw you. negative and positive pole. something. i wish you were really happy when we share some moments. and of course i wish you the best now. with your choices, with your life, and people you choose to spend time with. i wish i can hug you goodbye. and tell you that it's fine.

i had a massive headache today. it made me super sensitive. it was like a roller coaster inside my head, almost knocked me down. but i decided to end it. woke up from my bed and impulsively looked at one of my boxes and found some treasures. souvenirs from my china trip :) and i started to redecorate my wall. my wall of fame :) was happy to do it. my body and mind worked together and happy to see the result. thank you. i hope its getting bigger and bigger through time.

thank you for every hope that came to me. for every laughs and tears. everything happened to my life. i may seem looked defeated but i know one day the storm will pass and i gotta go back on my foot and continue to walk. it's easiest to do when i have let go everything. that i can wish something well and walk again. thank you for that beautiful feeling. i hope things are always fine, my heart always knows where to go, and my feet always guide my path. thank you 2014 :)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

I know some people wish that I'm better than what I am now. Well, i sometimes wish to be someone else. to be better, to be more understanding, to be more...i dont know. better to fit in. after a long ups and downs and pauses, in the end you can't lie of who you are. you are what you are, what you carry inside your mind, and what you decide to do. actions you take, actions you believe in. your heart, your mind, your soul, there's nothing really wrong about it. it aint easy to accept who you are and be happy about it. especially when you lost somebody, you hurt somebody you really care, and those kind of things. but what can we do about that? we will hurt somebody eventually, we will be off guard once in a while, but you know what? someone who really matters, whether they're family, friends, or your significant other will understand it somehow. or even someone who hurt you, betray you, leave you, somehow..they will understand who you really are. it's just they know they wont fit in your life. so they must leave to give the right person a space in your inner circle. yeah yeah easy to say, i know :) but well...accepting who you really are will ease the burden. stop complaining about yourself and accept your flaws and wows. life will be easier on you. value your heart, yourself, your soul. aint no one is good enough to tell you that you're lesser that you

Sunday, May 04, 2014


it was always funny how i get attracted to a person. to a guy. they usually appeared to be quite sparkling among the others. they're like a metal in the middle of thousand paper colours. they're different. because they're made of metal and the rest is just paper. somehow. that's usually how i spotted the guy i like. there's something in them. something interesting for me that makes me notice them. they dont always be the good guy in the end. but well...

its never been easy to say goodbye. to face the truth that something isnt working out the way you want. and the situation is just not right for you to keep understanding. again i should really tell myself that its not anyone's fault. our needs dont meet and we cant walk together. that's all.

like everyone else i always wish i can be more understanding. i can be more phlegmatic. i can be more...loving? i dont know. i can hide my ego away so it doesnt ruin anything. probably. but well i need to feel that im loved too. that im respected too. mostly loved.

it somehow sounds egoist. but...i dont know.

in my mind, i always wish to have someone's perfect for me. not perfect. but perfect for me. it means there is still process and we gotta walk and meet halfway. but im still looking for the little thing that will keep us walking when the storm's coming. i havent found it in anyone, yet.

years from now probably i will laugh to read this again. i hope by that time i have grown better and better and happy with my life.

for now, bye bye sparkles.

Monday, March 31, 2014

I'm Turning 24!

Well, hi. hehe. another long pause. i turned 24 2 days ago. been great. i had a great time with myself at day and another great time with my friends at night. been dating myself for the whole day. it's supposed to be my time to reflect and think about my life and everything. what have i done..well i got over someone who doesnt really fit me well. i finally got over the bad relationship but i still have to move on with my life. learn again to build a relationship with new person. because i know it's not fair to judge them based on other people's fault. so yeah, i'm learning to trust and to build relationship with new person :) i hope it's gonna be well. i cant guarantee the result will be perfect but i think it's time for me to face my fear. and to come back to reality where you have to deal with other people especially man in my life.

haha it seems like romance and man is a big deal in my life right now. oh well yes it is. besides my career that's going on quite well. but it is something i think about quite a lot. my friends told me and keep telling me to keep it light, give time some time, etc etc etc. which i know is true. andddd really i'm trying to stick that thought to my brain and heart. 

it's actually not easy to lift yourself up when it's been down for a long time and it's been too deep. i feel like i dont know myself anymore. whiccchh of course because of God's never ending love, He proves me wrong. the person who brought me down..okay the person whom i let to bring me down confess that im quite a great girl. and he got all the best things in me. even though it's too late but he told me what he thinks about me. quite amazing. probably im being told that in every situation, with everyone whom being close to you, you can't hide yourself. they will know it in the end. thank God so far it;s a good thing.

anyway i'm trying to rebuild my confidence. my self image. my dreams. my hope. even it's really scary but well i need to start living again. 

i knew a guy..which i dont really know yet. but when i met him, i brought it back to God. at once. i dont know why. it doesnt seem like the very right relationship whatsoever but somehow it's quite comforting to share your problem with Him. your fear, your doubt, because the peace comes from Him and from within. it's stronger. of course i will still talk and ask for courage from my friends and my sister, but the true peace is from within. and He's the only one who can give it to me. and i'm being very thankful about it.

well i just pray it will be good thing for both of us. it's interesting and exciting. heheheh. i act like high schoolers sometimes. it's bad and good. and funny. ahhaha. but yeah i just hope it will be a good thing for both of us in the end :)

God, thank You for your never ending love and understanding. thank You for every single person I met in my life. every single tears and laughs. everything. everything in my life because it's been a wonderful life. even though im not always a wonderful person, but thank You for everything. I know You're the best Father for everyone. thank You.

Monday, November 18, 2013

mr. lonely

i just wonder how you can survive with all those loneliness. i've been sick for today, just sleeping and resting the whole day. noone's around, just talked few times with my sister. and a bit with my friends. i can't bear how lonely it is. i can't imagine how you can survive with that, in jakarta, with your job. wow. another thought came to my mind. i can't ever have the life you have now. i can't keep up with your type of life. a lot of people said you aren't mine. and if i wanna open my eyes that big, i will see reasons why i should be happy with what we have now. walking in different path. it will be such a miracle if one day we will cross each other's path once more. but well, for now i think i should be happy with our situation. i am happy for you and your career. i hope you will never be the bad guy. :)

Sunday, November 03, 2013


I dreamed about you few days ago. we went to one reception together. i can see you're walking besides me. and i can see all of our high school friends, staring at us. i was nervous for a reason i can't remember. i was afraid they're talking bad about me or something. i can see their eyes are looking for a fact whether we're together or no. and you gave your hand to me. like in some old movies. and we're holding hands. you told me "now you're not worry anymore right". and i was shocked. i told you i never think it will happen. and you told me that it's finally happening. i was so happy. the scenes were changing and we're meeting my bali friends. we're getting along so well. and we're in another scene. you're eating something and somebody told me "oh he liked it too, just like you. even both of you are different, you're alike in few things" and i just smiled while you're still eating.

it was a perfect dream. exactly what i thought about you. i dont know it's just a hope or a sign. i can't tell now. like you can't as well. but it's a nice dream for sure :)

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

a little reminder

sometimes you must do something, not because of someone else, but because you should love yourself.

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

New Phone

I just lost my phone. again. and tired of question 'how come?'. just shut up (after being asked 20 times). anyway i got a new phone. samsung galaxy chat. finally i left nokia. hahaa. it's nice. but the keypad sucks, to be honest. i hope it will last for 1 year or more. and the battery is crazy. need to charge it once a day, and it's a new phone. well. sickness of smartphone :P *playing with new gadget*

jimbaran as its best :*


Saturday, October 05, 2013


Moving On..

a little reminder

you gotta stop chasing a shadow. or a reflection. bcoz it aint goin anywhere. bcoz the person who wants to be in your life, will meet you half way. you dont have to run that far to meet him. he will run to you as well. so when you are running to him, and you're going so far.probably it's not meant to be anything. just stop chasing, turn your back, and come back to your path.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

I'll see you

something i believed in, and something i wanna believe for a long time


It's been ages that i've never been writing. my going as it is. having a job, trying to save money to buy a new mobile or if i cant resist, to buy another tickets. hehe. i dont have that much saving. gotta work on myself for that. i've just getting over someone. some people said i must move on earlier. but damn, it's a whole lot process. you cant just forget someone whom give you so much to remember. read that somewhere on pinterest. well but in the end of the day, it's not about the other people. it's bout you and what you want. about you and how you take yourself. about you and how you see yourself. about you and how you value your life and mostly yourself. easier to say than done. hehe.

but i'm thankful for every single thing that happened to me. every single smiles and tears i've been through. i am not a perfect person, never will be one. but yeah i am happy and should be happy with my life.

sometimes i have tons of things on my mind. and i read several times, writing is one of the therapies to.....make you not too crazy? haha. so yeah i think i should write again. even im just blabbering :P

2013 is gonna end soon. time flies. so fast. it's been a year i left KL. it's been almost a year i'll be here. been great to be here :) im gonna come back to jakarta for a while in the end of this month. just becoz it's been almost 1 year i'm not home. hope to see some friendly faces there :D

im trying not to have drama in my life for now. im not ready for ups and downs of my feeling. not now. so yeah...that's how my life now is. sounds boring probably. until i jump out to another box ;)

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

you, out there, somewhere

Mungkin dia juga sedang mengejar impiannya. Mungkin dia juga sedang mendaki ke atas gunung hidupnya. Tempat dia akan diam nanti, mengingat seberapa banyak langkah yang sudah ia ambil. Mengingat seberapa jauh dia sudah berpindah. Mungkin dia sedang memerangi hidupnya sendiri. Pikiran dan dirinya sendiri. Mungkin dia memang tidak aka nada disana. Karena dua orang bertemu di saat jalan mereka bersinggungan. Dan dua orang akan berpisah di saat jalan mereka menjauh. Dan satu orang tidak akan bisa berjalan di jalan orang lain dan meninggalkan jalannya sendiri. Dan dua orang akan berpisah. Seorang manusia lahir seorang diri ke dunia. Dia akan berjalan di antara hiruk pikuk dan kesunyian dunia. Dalam perjalanannya dia akan bersinggungan jalan dengan banyak orang. Tapi setiap orang punya jalannya masing – masing. Dan setiap orang akan berjalan di jalannya masing – masing. Karena tidak setiap saat kamu akan sendirian. Dan tidak setiap saat kamu akan bersama. Siapapun kapanpun. Berjalanlah di waktu kamu harus berjalan, menepilah di saat kamu harus menepi, duduklah di saat kamu harus duduk. Dan berjalanlah lagi ketika waktu memanggil.