Pixie's Singing

yeah that's true. haha. there's a winner and a loser. there's a prize and so on. regulation. ways. tactics. maneuver. gambling. ending. start. everything. phew~

the school days have began. hahahah. udah brapa hari yah masuk kuliah. haha. antara senang dan sebel. soalnya kelasnya pagi smua. gila deh. nunggu busnya ituh ga tahan euy. jalan jauh ke depan dan kudu desek2an pula kaya sarden. ahaha. hurmmm..dah masuk apaan ajah yah. design management principal. gurunya mayan enak. gtw deh nanti2nya hahahah. kesan pertama sering menipu! hehehehee. tuz illutration. hrrmmm..gurunya ganti. ga ernesto lagi. arghh sebel banget. skarang gurunya ce. baik sih. tpi yaaaa belom keliatan kaya dosen. haha. kaya guru. yah gituh deh. mudah2an nantinya enak. tpi tetep dee..i lope ernesto!! one of the greatest lectures i've ever had. hahahahaha. keren abis deh tu orang. hohoo~ dah gtuh kayanya sem ini ga belajar pake marker @_@ gtw deh. pensil warna, arclyric, cat poster, oil pastel, gtuh2 deh. hulaaaa~ buat apaan yah gue beli tu marker then?? swt. hurrmmmm..tuz apaan lagi yah. design heritage. herm. gurunya orang malay. kesannya berjiwa muda. mudah2an jiwanya t...

I watch as the daylight crawls past the shadows hanging on the walls it's been a long time since I felt the stain of yesterday getting in my way I'm alive but tell me am I free I got eyes but tell me can I see the sky is falling and no one knows it shouldn't be hard to believe shouldn't be this difficult to breathe the sky is falling and no one knows You leave me hanging on Only to catch my breath I got you and I got nothing left don't leave me all alone down here with myself and all of my fear Cause' I'm alive but tell me am I free I got eyes but tell me can I see the sky is falling and no one knows it shouldn't be hard to believe shouldn't be this difficult to breathe the sky is falling and no one knows no one knows no one knows I'm alive but tell me am I free I've got eyes but tell me can I see the sky is falling and no one knows it shouldn't be hard to believe shouldn't be this difficult to breath the sky i...

baru dri euphoria nih. daerah2 sunway sanah. hehehe. b6 sih. hehe. mayan lah ok juga. gue ga mo sok2 belagu. this is the first time i really go clubbing. hhehe. dan iya sempet panik juga sih. baju gue gi di londri smua. dan bener2 kosong tu lemari. hahha. ada sih nemu akirnya. tpi yaaaaaaa gtuh deh. heheh. dan yahh gituh. tempatnya enak sih. sempet ga bole masuk pake stud card. akirnya pake sim. haha. boleh. =D tuz pas di dalem. tempatnya enak. rada sempit mungkin. tpi mayan bebas rokok. rame banget sih dalemnya. mungkin karena malem minggu juga. masuk 50Rm. free drink flows. yah gituh2 doank sih. dance2 doank. gada yg minum2. mo buka meja mahal. hehehhehe. tuz yahhhh gituh lah. bhubung gue dengan amat sangat ngga mudah membuka diri ke orang laen. heheheh. agak yaahhh gituh deh. =D ujung2nya sih dance2 juga.dah ga jelas gituh apaan. gtw lah. huehehehe. overall sih enak2 ajah. gue seneng2 ajah dengerin musiknya. mo sarap gmana pun volumenya. hehe. tpi gue ga terlalu doyan turun. heheheh...

hemmm....apa yah. hehhehe..banyak banget hal terjadi dalam hidup gue sejak gue balik ksni. hhe. feeling gue bener tuh. =D udah upside down gue disini. jungkir balik ga karuan. hehehe. gtw lah. ada ajah yg tiba2 dateng. ngerusak mood. ngerusak situasi. hehehe. jadinya yaaaa..sinting2 deh mikirinnya. and what i got is..i'm still young. i still have a lot of times to learn, do, and regret maybe. hahaah. but yeah..don't need to regret actually. life is its experience to be gained. hehehe. =D sok wise. hahaha. yah begituhlah. sudah merasa lebih baik. udah ngerasa mayan bisa ngatasin keadaan2 gue ini. mudah2an ke depannya jadi lebih baik. amin =) kemarenan gue sempet chat sama temen gue. dan keluarlah kata2 ini. " to know something is one thing. to do and apply it is another thing". yah maxudnya simpel sih. ngomong dan cuma sekedar tau itu ngga bisa dibilang gampang juga. untuk sekedar menerima bahwa hal itu eksis ajah kadang2 susah. hehe. dan yahh ituh. ngelakuinnya jauh l...

nih tdi ntn film ni ma renny. huehehe. bagus ternyata. kila keiranya cantik buangeeetttt..itu keknya sering banget terucap. hahahaah. susah deh =D critanya bagus sih. kek ing2 jaman dulu gituh. 1 keluarga anak ce nya 5. tuz kan jaman dulu tuh ce2 kudu kawin muda. haha. yah nyokapnya si lizzie ini pusing karena anaknya ce smua. haha. tuz yah gituh deh. perjodohan kiri kanan dan nyokapnya kepo berat. ahhahaa. tuz si lizzie ini..pinter buat ukuran ce2 jamannya dia. 1keluarganya dia gada yg bisa main musik, gambar, apalah. yg jadi kriteria2 ce jaman bahela. hehe. tpi dia pinter banget. pinter bukan yg geek yah. yg emank smart gituh deh. tuz pas perjodohan kakaknya gituh. di ball. dia ktemu ma si mr. darcy ini. prtamanya dingin abiz. eh biz ntuh bakalan ada scene dimanaternyata dia suka ma si lizzie. ga disangka2 dhe bakal ngomong kek gituh. hueheheehe. yahhh gituh deh. dri awalnya si lizzie sebel banget ma mr. darcy. ampe akirnya mereka married deh. hehehe. critanya bagus banget tuh. gtw n...

I'm desperate for changing I'm starving for truth I'm closer to where I’ve started I'm chasing after you I'm falling even more in love with you Letting go of all I've held onto I'm standing here until you make me move I'm hanging by a moment here with you Forgetting all I'm lacking Completely incomplete I'll take your invitation You take all of me Now.. I'm falling even more in love with you Letting go of all I've held onto I'm standing here until you make me move I'm hanging by a moment here with you I'm living for the only thing I know I'm running and not quite sure where to go And I don't know what I'm diving into Just hanging by a moment here with you There's nothing else to lose There's nothing else to find There's nothing in the world That could change my mind There is nothing else… There is nothing else… There is nothing else Desperate for changing Starving for truth Close...

i don't know what's going on. or if there's something that's really going on. or is it only my head and my mind. i don't know about what i'm thinking. is it right or wrong. i just don't know where's my hope leads me. to another destructions or what. i just don't know. and 've been tired of all these things. i just wanna lye down for a moment. i'm tired. fucking damn tired.

dah berapa lama yah disinih. hehe. smingguan? hurmm..besok mo registry. sebenernya kemaren udah sih. tpi yaaahh gituh deh. hehe. mo perpanjang visa juga. ckckc...jem sgini lom tidur tar jem 9 dah mo jalan lage. hahah. tuwir di jalan deh. hehhehe..ehrmmm.. tdi biz ntn pelem..inih. yg sampe beberapa detik lalu belom gue paham gmana nulisnya. valkyrie. ok. heheh. bagus sih. 1 jam pertama agak bosenin. scara pelemnya 2 jam. hhehhe. tom cruise maennya bagus. ok lah. 1 jam berikutnya menegangkan. hahha. liat usaha2nya. gagal gituh2. hehe. parah. meskipun pada ujung2nya tuh usahanya mereka gagal buat ngebunuh si hitler, dan akirnya dieksekusi smua..tpi usahanya keren banget =) klo ga salah ni based on true story sih. hehehe. prosesnya keren, orang2nya juga pemaennya bagus. hehe.gue demen ma asisten pribadinya si tom cruise. gue lupa sapa nama tokohnya. hehehe. abis agak susah =D pertama kali dia kerja ma tom cruise, dia langsung dikasih tau klo si tom ini adalah pengkhianat. mau ga dia tetep ...

i was in a deep black hole. where i never could see anything. where i didn't know where i am. whether i was in the beginning, in the middle, or in the end. i was floating. and felt so helpless. to escape from this thing. now i'm in a white atmosphere. where i don't know where to go.

many things happened. just happened. it turns my world upside down. it makes me feeling so helpless. frustrated. i'm tired of everything. everything that i've done. which ends up into nothingness. i'm about losing my mind. about what's going on. about what i should do. about what i should feel. i'm just seeing that everything is going mad. and now..i'm tired of this situation. i'm tired. to hope something that i'm not sure. to wish something i don't know. to do many things just to make me hurt again. it's crazy. can i just let it go. can i just set it free. can i just live the way i lived before. can i just let it happen. i'm like walking in the darkness. with nowhere to go. with confusion inside my mind. about who i am. about who they are. i'm just..tired of everything. i'm not that strong to heal myself in any second. i'm not that strong to just smile facing everything. i do cry so often. yeah..i'm not that strong to face ev...

kemarenan gue nelpon sahabat gue dan curhat abis2an soal semua isi otak gue. 2 jam. ampir 50RM. dan setara sama 150rebuan deh. tapi apa yang gue dapet darisana adalah sangat2 berharga. ckckck. apa yang selama ini ga pernah gue pikirin. apa yang selama ini udah ada. apa yang selama ini ga pernah mau gue akui. banyak hal. ckckck. he's the best deh. hahahahah. gue kuarin smua2nya di otak. hahah. gue seneng bangett...masih ada orang2 dmana gue ga perlu nyaring apa2 yg mo gue omongin. mo tanggepannya gmana..gue tetep tau that he's still my best friend. oh mungkin kalo gue salah ambil keputusan kemaren gue akan berantem gede2an sama dia. hahaha. yah gituh deh. menurut dia gue bener. tapi pola pikir gue salah. gue ga pernah ngehargain diri gue sendiri. dan yah..love is blind. and i'm blind becoz of it. haha. yah gituh deh. complicated. ckckck~yahh he's the best =) makasih karena dia udah tetep ada disana. hehehe. heermm..abis 2 jam itu dia baru bilank ngebujuk gue itu susah. m...

How long have I been in this storm? So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form Water's getting harder to tread With these waves crashing over my head If I could just see you Everything would be all right If I'd see you This darkness would turn to light And I will walk on water And you will catch me if I fall And I will get lost into your eyes I know everything will be alright I know everything is alright I know you didn't bring me out here to drown So why am I ten feet under and upside down Barely surviving has become my purpose Cause I'm so used to live underneath the surface If I could just see you Everything would be all right If i'd see you This darkness would turn to light And I will walk on water And you will catch me if I fall And I will get lost into your eyes And everything will be alright And I will walk on water You will catch me if I fall And I will get lost into your eyes I know everything will be alright I know everyt...

I'm finding my way back to sanity again, Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there. Take a breath and hold on tight, Spin around one more time, And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace. 'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and, Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, Alright with me. 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to your breathing, Is where I want to be. Yeah. Where I want to be. I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm, Trying to identify the voices in my head. God which one's you? Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive, And break these calluses off of me, One more time. 'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and, Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, Alright with me. 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to your breathing, ...

keujanan. kecapean. tepar. duh ampun deh..ckckckc... outta direction to where the world's going on. the life's going on. ck. whatever~

i'm coming back to malaysia. hehh. pesawat jem stgh 9 tadi pagi. sampe sini siang dan abis itu ke ikea muter2 ampe jam 9 malem baru balik dari sana. sampe apartemen jem berapa yah..11an gtuh. hehhe. actually it's a nice day. very nice one. humm =) yahhh...8/10 hehehee. it's strange and nice to be back here actually.hehe. dunno what kind of feeling i do have because yeah..i'm quite interesting in a few things now. wanna see how it'll be. hurmm..yah life. hehe.gituh2 deh. =D badan gue cape smua. tpi ga bisa merem. i really2 love my room wherever it is. hahahaah. and this is one of the bests. hehehe. new part of life. new..things. maybe =)

i saw the dentist this morning. dan gigi gue bolong 8!! hahahah. ajaib banget. gue ampe shock. kiri kanan atas bawah masing2 dua. hehehe. jadinya 8 deh. parah abis. dibornya ngilu! sialan. baru skali2nya gue ngilu ke dokter gigi =.= biasanya gada rsa. ckckckck. tuz mahal. arghhh..parah..miskin mendadak. hehehe. tuz besok kudu balik lagi soalnya hari ni cuma diobatin ajah. gigi gue rasa pepermint sepanjang hari begitu juga smua makanan yg masuk. zzz~ dan kudu ditambel 2 lapis soalnya dah dalem. =.= gue gtw ah. huhuhuu~ baru skali2nya ampe parah gini @_@ uhmm..these are my last days in jakarta. hehehe.i'm coming back tomorrow morning. hehe. finally. i don't know what's wrong but..i don't feel 100% excited any more about my coming back. there's strange feeling there. i'm kinda nervous but don't know related to what. i don't really know what it means. oh shot..i hate this kind of feeling. i don't know if i'm having pms or something. but..yah..dunno. ...

ehm. sering ga sih denger kalimat..listen to your heart..it keeps all the answers for your questions. yeah right.. gue sih sering denger yg 1 itu. yg gue kadang2 ga paham..yg kdengeran sebenernya suara hati apa suara ego? seperti kita ketahui bersama manusia adalah makhluk egois? betul bukan? heehehehe..kita dilahirkan dengan ego masing2. untuk jadi lebih. selalu pingin lebih. apa yah nama lainnya? hasrat kali yeh. gtw lah. yg pasti manusia itu egonya seringkali sangat tinggi. ego..mementingkan diri sendiri. ngga juga sih. hehe. yang pasti manusia pasti punya kemauan pribadi deh. berhubung ego manusia itu gede yah, mungkin ga sih..ketika kita 'bertanya pada hati' kita masing - masing, yg jawab malah si ego inih? menurutgue sih sangat mungkin yah. kenapa ngga gituh? hehehe. ada jaminan ga sih, ketika kita nanya sama diri sendiri, yg jawab adalah si hati? gimana kalo ternyata selama ini yang jawab ternyata si ego? bukan si hati? emank keliatan bedanya? toh hati dan ego bukan makh...

kenapa punya mimpi tinggi itu terkadang salah? kenapa punya mimpi tinggi itu malah bikin sakit hati? karena ngga semua mimpi itu bisa jadi kenyataan? gitu? sama halnya dengan punya harapan. punya harapan ketinggian itu salah punya harapan terlalu rendah juga salah. kadang hidup itu ngga jelas arahnya kemana. giliran punya harapan tinggi alam semesta kaya ngga merestui harapan itu terkabul kadang2 terkabul tapi ngga dengan cara yang benar kadang2 terkabul tapi ujung2nya malah disesali sama yang punya permohonan juga ada hubungannya gak sih sama manusia ga pernah puas dan manusia itu egois dan manusia itu kadang2 bego kadang2 juga sarap dan buta dan tuli dan ngikutin hatinya dengan amat sangat dan membungkam logikanya? buat apa sih manusia punya hati dan logika yang kayak punya otak sendiri2? bisa mikir 2 hal yang berbeda dan ternyata sama2 benar sama2 susah sama2 bikin pusing karena abis itu pasti kepikiran dan setelah kepikiran ngga bisa begitu aja ilang ngapain manusia harus punya mim...

i wake up in the morning and look around me. and here i am. me, my bed, my cell phone, my room. myself. walking out of my room and feels the air from the door. it's cold outside. i lay on the sofa and feel the air touching my face. it's nice. silence remains. and yeah..i feel so flat. that's..my house. i wake up in another morning. rushing for my class. rushing to the bus. sending sms to my friends. walking to the class. smiling at the day. listening to the lecturers. doing my assignments. having lunch. hanging out with my fellas. keeping awake till 4 in the morning. and again..rushing to the print shop. feeling so sucks and thankful. feeling like dying outside and cheering a lot. having fun and bad things. seeing every faces and feeling ever words. trusted and untrusted. damn fun or just damn idiot. that's..my home. waiting for the messages. waiting for the calls. smiling at my screen. laughing at the voice. enjoying every seconds. being thankful for every moments. fee...

gue baru ntn film ini kemaren di rcti. itu juga gak kelar gara2 mo jemput nyokap dan finally setelah sekian tahun gue bawa mobil lagi. huahahahah. senangnya. rada tolol sih. but yeah..not bad ^^v eniwey..back to the pelem..gue interested sama trailernya. keknya bagus. heheh. tuz memutuskan buat nonton. ok sebenernya sih not bad ceritanya. cumaaaa yaaaaa..kebiasaan deh pelem indo, suara pemerannya gak rata. jadi si ce itu suaranya mudah didenger, si cowoknya udah kaya ngomong sama marmut. ga kedengeran. ato sengaja pelan2 biar marmutnya gak mati. gue gtw juga sih marmut bisa diajak ngomong ato ngga. heheeh. yah pokoknya gituh. jadi dialognya gak kedengeran. bingung gue, udah berapa puluh pelem..ehgak puluh sih..berapa biji pelem indo yg gue tonton, dan selalu aja ada masalah sama suara. gak rata. coba yah tolong diratain. biar ga usah nebak2 ni orang lagi ngmong apa. iya sih pasti ada yg bisik2 to gmana, tpi pelem2 luar aja bisa koq kedengeran jelas. apalagi ini yg harusnya ngomongnya b...

dengan segenap perasaan syukur gue, gue lagi senyum sekarang. ngerasa hidup gue berubah ke arah yg lebih baik secara signifikan. heheh. entah mengapa. tiba2 aja. dan sekarang, i have hundreds reasons to smile. with my heart. heheh. siapa lagi yg ngasih gue semua ini kalau bukan Bapa gue di Sorga sana. heheeh. makasih sangat. =) gue seneng banget karena : finally gue udah mau balik malay. kurang lebih lah =) means that gue akan kembali punya kerjaan tetap yaitu kuliah. yang gue ga peduli siapapun bilang anak kuliah masih main2. ini hanya salah satu proses buat diri gue. sampe nantinya gue kerja dan punya tanggung jawab lebih besar lagi dalam hidup gue dan kepada diri gue sendiri. =) segenap keluarga gue di luar sana. gue baikan lagi sama sahabat baik gue. yg gue pikir selama ini berubah. tapi ternyata yaaahhh..entah mengapa. hubungan gue dan dia emang gak pernah cuma lurus2 ajah. belok belok belok tiba2 nyampe di jalan yg lurus lagi sebelum nanti aneh2 lagi. hahahaahaha..orang2 yg selam...

i keep the ice cube in my hand. a very perfect ice cube. smiling at it. proud of it. enjoying it. even it bites me with its own coldness. thinking that it won't ever change. and i forget about the sun. about its heat. about the environment. then finally it melts. drop by drop. then finally i realize that i don't have the ice cube any more. it's water now. i look at it. i know i don't have my ice cube any more. it's not really hurting. but still..there's something strange. there's something changed. not really losing something. just change. different. it's weird. but i can't do anything. it's natural process. i can't ever stop it. people change sometimes. true.