Pixie's Singing

Saw it too many times on pinterest. It has never struck me hard till now. In the end we really can’t control of what other people will do, feel, react, treat us, we can control nothing. It hurts, it sucks and we ask why. Sometimes we got the answer, but most of the time we don’t. Well I don’t. From a single thought, it then became a spider web, when I realize it, it’s already too complicated and guess what, I’m trapped in the middle of it. Funny. I created my own spiderweb and got stuck. Just because of one single why. Just because I never let go at the right time. How can we let go when it still linger in our mind? Exactly. I don’t know the answer. Then one day, I woke up and got sick of this situation and wrecked myself from it. That hurts too. So many loses, so many heartaches, so many whys. Then really it feels useless to ask why. It’s exhausting to keep holding on and hurt yourself at the same time. Out of exhaustion I gave up. Deliberating? Yes. Sad? Yes. But it gets easier day b...

I just watched this movie today. And I’ve been enjoying watching Netflix’s original series as for me it’s like a fresh air for movie choices. Netflix’s series are more like current life situation. The issue, the actors and actresses, I like how it’s not always just black and white. Life has more layers than that.  Anyway, this movie is a process of young person to get to know themselves. What they like, what they think, what they do. It’s all simple yet complicated. Like teenager’s life. Exactly.  “Love is not pretending” is one of the sentences in the movie. Which I found very true. Sometimes we’re blinded with so many things. Sometimes we forget to be honest and accept who we are. But yes, love isn’t pretending. “Have you ever loved someone so much, you don’t want any of her to change?” 

There are many times that things don’t go the way you want it. More storms to come one after the other before you can even catch a breath. Leaving you sitting by the dock, looking at the ocean and its never ending dynamic and just wonder. Will you ever going through it? Will you be fine? Did you do fine? Are you doing the right thing. Or sometimes even question what the hell are you doing. Life has always this funny ways to teach you something. Even when it doesn’t seem like it most of the days. After all the rains and more storms to come. There will maybe a time when you can sit quietly and breath. Keep it steady for a while. Then you realize. Sometimes there’s no conclusion at all. You don’t understand it but something came to an end. And there you are. Just standing and being confused. Didn’t recall when things slipped away. Something you thought was still in your hand, it isn’t. It wasn’t. Then you find the urge to seek for the answers, to talk it out, to have another conversation,...

I’ve been watching The Crown series on netflix for the past...few weeks I think 😁 it was boring at first to be honest, but then royal’s life is always interesting to follow. Even though I’m quite sure it’s half history half drama, there are many things I got from this movie. It might be a good media for younger people to learn about history. I remember how boring those classes are, not the materials but the lecturing way. I believe we all can learn something about history, or even enjoy the stories of the past. But we need better way of learning. I got myself reading more about the royal family and their history because of this series. And I’m looking forward for the 4th season to come 😉

Oh well, who would guess that I’d appreciate a simple supermarket shopping soooo much! In this quarantine time, I limit my going out activity as the issue hasn’t been resolved yet. So I only go out once a week approximately to refill my fridge. I tried different supermarket, noticed different meat type on each place, price differences etc. I learn a new thing from every place 😂 Denpasar is crowded again, not as crowded as usual, but it’s quite a lot. I understand people still need to make some living somehow. Hopefully things will be normal again soon! I got a surprise this morning, I’m losing weight. Quite a lot 🤣🤣 it must be from the cooking I’ve made myself for the past few weeks. Since I don’t exercise anyway 🙊 quite happy about it, and it proves that tummy is made in the kitchen. 

I just watched this movie. One movie without any dialogue. Instead it uses poems narrated by the two characters. It's a beautiful movie but, not a commercial one, so you need to be in certain mood to watch it. No dialogue feels like our current situation. This quarantine time, less direct interaction with other people, force you to "talk" more to yourself and feel things instead.

Well I heard it long time ago that love is a decision. Decision one made to love the other everyday. Decision that is taken everyday. Decision that you choose this person to be together with. Decision to still be there when the person seems like pushing you away. Decision to not leave the other person hanging.  It’s a verb and it’s something we choose everyday, every hour, all day all week all year as long as we still wanna be that person.  I also heard that when a man wanna be with you, he’ll make that happen. But if he doesn’t wanna be with you, no amount of effort and so called love will make him stay.  That stuff becomes real and more real in my life everyday. I don’t think it applies only for men and only about relationship. I think that applies to any ship to anyone.   And the hardest part from my point of view, is to let that thing go, without hurting you too deep. I’m really slow at leaving and walking away. So slow. Too stubborn. I think that’s my aries and ...