8 of cups....

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okei. i have so many things on my mind. currently. hehe. oh..before it..it may be one of the honest postings originally comes from my head and heart. so..it will be long XD and not done in straight forward style. hehe.

boys. haha. it's a never ending topic in my life ;D yes, i'm looking for someone who loves me and i love. someone to care of me and i do so. someone who can make me laugh, appreciate me, and share things with me. bad and good. just wanna feel someone here beside me. haha.

once, i felt like i found someone. he's just like a new beginning after an ending. fresh new green leaf after a long long winter. little shine after the darkness. whatever u want to describe it. hehe. it affected me quite a lot. and felt a lot. haha. i have been up and down for many reasons and many times. and once, he amazed me amazingly. haha. then i felt he's worth to wait for. to be honest maybe i can find thousand reasons why he won't share the same pathway with me..maybe now maybe forever. but i have felt something in my head and heart since months ago. he's special already. before i can see more and feel more. hehe. and after a long long confusing times, i feel that this is the time. to clear it up. to repositioning him and also myself. i know the time is about to come. i asked my friend to read tarot for me related to this one. and the answer wasn't very surprising. haha. just made what i have thought clearer. =) i know it will come. i know what i wanna do and find out if possible. i just want to tell him what i feel. and see what will happen. many things popping in my mind. there're few possibilities but almost none of them brings the hope back. haha. i know =) he's not ready, he doesn't want. any reason. 90% it will over. hehe. i know future may change. so let's see what will happen. =) the other...i don't know for sure. but i think it will over soon. hehe. since i don't really feel anything. there's no move. it's normal situation once again. just..again..see till when i can stand up. till when i'll talk about it again with him. and find another answer. =) i can't be in this situation for the whole of my life. hahahah. enough =)

i'm not mad. i'm not dissapointed. i don't feel so bad. maybe yet. maybe no. hehehe. trying not to be..=) they're great men. gret experience. great smiles and every feeling i have felt till now. =)

just see what happens. future may change. just see how far will it change. =) let it be..

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