Pixie's Singing

it's the last day of 2014. and it's been months since my last writing. things changed a bit, but i actually miss blabbering on my blog. hehe.. well, this year was amazing. ups and downs like roller coaster. sometimes i screamed, sometimes i hid, sometimes i enjoyed the ride. few things happened, a lot of interesting people. well, what a year :) few things i wish i can say it directly to the person but it seems impossible now without getting over reaction, so yeah let me spill it out here. guardian, i somehow wish we can still be friend. with whatever reason, reason i can't even explain. it's easier to get angry with you, or with myself by making bad choices. but i'm not accustomed to stray away people from my life. you were something, now or long time ago im not sure, to me. in a cheesy way, i was like mirroring myself when i saw you. negative and positive pole. something. i wish you were really happy when we share some moments. and of course i wish you the best...

I know some people wish that I'm better than what I am now. Well, i sometimes wish to be someone else. to be better, to be more understanding, to be more...i dont know. better to fit in. after a long ups and downs and pauses, in the end you can't lie of who you are. you are what you are, what you carry inside your mind, and what you decide to do. actions you take, actions you believe in. your heart, your mind, your soul, there's nothing really wrong about it. it aint easy to accept who you are and be happy about it. especially when you lost somebody, you hurt somebody you really care, and those kind of things. but what can we do about that? we will hurt somebody eventually, we will be off guard once in a while, but you know what? someone who really matters, whether they're family, friends, or your significant other will understand it somehow. or even someone who hurt you, betray you, leave you, somehow..they will understand who you really are. it's just they know th...

it was always funny how i get attracted to a person. to a guy. they usually appeared to be quite sparkling among the others. they're like a metal in the middle of thousand paper colours. they're different. because they're made of metal and the rest is just paper. somehow. that's usually how i spotted the guy i like. there's something in them. something interesting for me that makes me notice them. they dont always be the good guy in the end. but well... its never been easy to say goodbye. to face the truth that something isnt working out the way you want. and the situation is just not right for you to keep understanding. again i should really tell myself that its not anyone's fault. our needs dont meet and we cant walk together. that's all. like everyone else i always wish i can be more understanding. i can be more phlegmatic. i can be more...loving? i dont know. i can hide my ego away so it doesnt ruin anything. probably. but well i need to feel that im...

Well, hi. hehe. another long pause. i turned 24 2 days ago. been great. i had a great time with myself at day and another great time with my friends at night. been dating myself for the whole day. it's supposed to be my time to reflect and think about my life and everything. what have i done..well i got over someone who doesnt really fit me well. i finally got over the bad relationship but i still have to move on with my life. learn again to build a relationship with new person. because i know it's not fair to judge them based on other people's fault. so yeah, i'm learning to trust and to build relationship with new person :) i hope it's gonna be well. i cant guarantee the result will be perfect but i think it's time for me to face my fear. and to come back to reality where you have to deal with other people especially man in my life. haha it seems like romance and man is a big deal in my life right now. oh well yes it is. besides my career that's going on...