Forgiveness

Saw it too many times on pinterest. It has never struck me hard till now. In the end we really can’t control of what other people will do, feel, react, treat us, we can control nothing. It hurts, it sucks and we ask why. Sometimes we got the answer, but most of the time we don’t. Well I don’t. From a single thought, it then became a spider web, when I realize it, it’s already too complicated and guess what, I’m trapped in the middle of it. Funny. I created my own spiderweb and got stuck. Just because of one single why. Just because I never let go at the right time. How can we let go when it still linger in our mind? Exactly. I don’t know the answer. Then one day, I woke up and got sick of this situation and wrecked myself from it. That hurts too. So many loses, so many heartaches, so many whys. Then really it feels useless to ask why. It’s exhausting to keep holding on and hurt yourself at the same time. Out of exhaustion I gave up. Deliberating? Yes. Sad? Yes. But it gets easier day by day. Just a slightly easier than yesterday. And it’s really easier when you let go to keep asking why. To learn to accept an apology you never get. Because maybe the other person doesn’t feel like hurting you in the past. Maybe that person ‘simply’ did the best he / she could think at that time. It doesn’t always match our expectation but well...can’t control them, can we? Instead of waiting for them to apology and make it right...which I’m not sure when it will happen..I’m trying to apology and forgive myself. For again put myself to this situation. For again create my own hell in mind. For again create a spiderweb. I realized I’m more mad at myself than at the other person. Not an easy process. I’ll pas it though, like many other things that have happened to me. It just takes time.