and the heart says..

hellow again...*silent moment* i don't know what i wanna write. haha. well, i have lotsa things on my mind. in one hand i wanna scream it out loud, but in the other hand i just wanna keep it for myself because i know nothing can be done. maybe not really nothing, but it's a really really hard thing to do, and i seem like don't have enough energy, courage, and bravery to do or even think about what to do right now.

if there's someone who's worrying about me, don't.it's just the most famous complicated thing but yet makes the world goes around too. something called love. but in my case, let's not talking about love. it's still far far away. let's say that i dear someone so much right now.

and yes, when someone gets your heart, he or she will have the same power to make you to be the happiest person in the world and also the most suffering one. falling for someone is like giving a gun to them, let them point it right to your heart, give the power for them to do it if they want, but believe that they won't do it. sounds stupid? haha..maybe.

but one thing i've learned, that you're the only one who know whether it's really stupid, or actually worth the fight. no one will know it as well as you do. not even your closest friend, not even your family. you're the one whose heart is involved. and yes, it's about you after all. everyone might have their own thoughts and opinions. the final answer is still yours. and no, you can't make a wrong decision, whatever it is, if it comes from your heart.

and another no, someone who really cares about you won't force you to do anything you don't wanna do. well, some might do. but in my personal opinion, they shouldn't. your life, your rules. even if it's wrong, you can still learn from it. so don't feel bad not to follow anyone's suggestion if you think it can't be done, or not yet. the easiest example, when your heart is broken by someone, everyone will ask you to leave the person. but you're the one who knows that it can't be done that easy. they don't mean to hurt you though, they just hate to see you suffer..

my thought..you're the one who knows your limit so well. no one will let themselves suffer more than they can take. well, at least it's me. hehe. some people might see that sometimes i'm broken because my own choice, but i'm not that fool to push myself wayyyyyy to far from my line. don't worry about that. even if i'm crying out loud, screaming so bad, or just keep deadly silent, i still know my limit. and know how much i can take. so yeah, deep in my heart, despite how bad i can hurt or fall, i know one day, it'll be alright once again :)

i do admit that it's easier because i have some really precious people in my life. i won't tell one by one by name. but it's remembered and written in my heart. well, love for all of you folks :)